I’m glad I went
30 things I am glad I did before my 30th birthday, even though I didn’t have anyone to go with
Image taken by my best friend Caroline Gravino; 2019 #1: Moving to a horse farm in Virginia the day after high school graduation, spring 2011
I begged my parent’s to let me defer going to college for a whole year so that I could ride my horse, AJ, and train to become a professional rider under the guidance of an Olympian. It ended up being the hardest 6 months of my young life—traumatizing, even—but I grew out, if not up, and retrospectively realized a strength I previously did not see.
AJ#2: Traveling to and from NYC by Mega Bus on weekends during college to model, 2012-2015
It is what you think. My diet consisted mainly of whole wheat noodles, broccoli, and—when I was feeling frisky—chicken (no oil) seasoned with a sprinkle of Mrs. Dash. I slept very little, partied very hard, and somehow managed to pass all my classes. I wasn’t in a great place mentally, emotionally, or physically, but the experience served to show me just how dedicated I am to the things that matter to me.
Photograph taken by Holly Burnham
Photograph taken by Carol Persons, HMUA Leah Sarrah Bassett #3: Renting a room in Bushwick immediately after college to model full-time for my agency, spring 2015
I took my dream one step further and moved to NYC to model full-time right after college graduation—unlike the majority of my fellow nutrition classmates, who went on to pursue the dietetic internship. Looking back, I don’t think either choice would have resulted in a healthier outcome for me; both industries churn out eating disorders at an alarming rate, but I already had one, so. Ultimately, my choice proved I was capable of going against the grain when my dreams demanded it.
Photograph (& HMUA) created by Holly Burnham
Photograph (& HMUA) created by Holly Burnham#4: Visiting New Orleans, spring 2016
I got an impulse tattoo, I danced (a lot), I walked everywhere, I made new friends, I fell in love briefly, I marched in a parade, I ate beignets—it was a great time.
#5: Spending a month in Asheville, NC, camping on farms and sleeping on people’s couches summer of 2016
I didn’t know what to do; I was burnt out from the service industry & newly liberated from an abusive relationship, so I re-visited a place that held good memories for me. I hiked to waterfalls, enjoyed good music, made new friends, slept under the stars, bathed in the coolest outdoor shower ever, and fell in love (again) twice!
#6: Officially moving to Asheville, NC, fall of 2016
I made another move, this time with Jill so I wasn’t exactly alone, but I was the responsible adult in the equation, considering Jill is a dog, so I think it counts as a mostly solo adventure. I spent the next 6 months working in restaurants and living my life to the fullest—if not a bit messily—before embarking on another great adventure…
Miss Jill
The mess...#7: Thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail NoBo in 2017
I could write a novel and someday I will, but in leu of a book: I made friends, I ate a ton of mediocre food that tasted to me like 5 star cuisine, I sweated, I bled, I laughed, I cried. I felt things. I survived. My journey from Georgia to Maine forever changed me.
A lake in Maine with Chef
Somewhere in NC, when things were simple
In Vermont with wonderful people#8: Backpacking the Linville Gorge Wilderness Loop in 2018
Jill and I embarked on this 3 day journey together, and while she totally counts as “a person”, I spent all of our downtime picking ticks off of her, battling with her over when it was actually dinner time, and trying to pitch our tent while she repeatedly panic-hurled herself at the nylon heap, desperate to be “inside” before there was even an inside to get into. So I actually felt pretty alone, all things considered.
#9: Backpacking a 193 mile section of the AT from Port Clinton, PA, to Harpers Ferry, WV, spring of 2019
It was rocky. And while my feet became increasingly bruised, my heart was on the mend.
#10: Backpacking in British Columbia and Alberta, late summer of 2019
I finished a NOLS course in Yukon and decided I wasn’t done exploring Canada. I planned to hike the Great Divide Trail—a rugged, remote, challenging “trail”—but nothing went according to plan. I made a really good friend, though, Kenzie, and I backpacked, ran, and day-hiked some really cool trails. I did my first cross-country traverse, entirely off trail, and discovered an all-time favorite book store in Golden, BC, Bacchus Books.
Kootenay's Rockwall Trail with Kenzie#11: Skydiving in Golden, BC, on a whim, late summer 2019
“There’s an airstrip here in town,” Kenzie pointed out her window. “You can literally walk a couple of minutes and go skydiving.”
Enough said.
#12: Running the 4 State Challenge (Southern PA border, MD, WV, Northern VA border) and setting a new (since bested) women’s unsupported FKT, fall 2019
I wasn’t sure if I could run (or hike) 45 miles in one go, but I organized a shuttle, I told my mom where I was going, and I went. This thing I wasn’t sure I could accomplish wound up taking me just over 11hrs and 30 minutes. And it has given me confidence and permission to pursue bigger, longer adventures. Today I know it is always worth a try.
#13: Thru-hiking the Vermont Long Trail NoBo, summer of 2020
It was a sweaty, buggy time. And I was severely anxious, depressed, and uncertain when I started out from the border of Mass., but reaching the Canada border I felt more sure of myself than ever before, which confirmed that walking is medicine for me and I needed to keep going.
#14: Thru-hiking the Colorado Trail, summer 2020
I planned the logistics of this hike alone and planned to hike it alone, and then my friend Ally wound up joining me for the first 5 days. I was content to hike on alone from Jefferson when she decided to head home, though her company had been appreciated. The experience made me realize walking day after day with little else than your brain for company isn’t medicine for everyone.
#15: Camping in Capitol Reef National Park & exploring Utah, fall of 2020
I had plans to thru-hike the Arizona Trail right after the CT, but it turned out my heart was in Colorado. I’d fallen in love and it was different this time—it still is. In order to remain true to myself, though, I decided to visit Utah and bop around for a month or so, alone. Capitol Reef proved to be a mind-boggling sea of rust reds, oxidized coppers, creams, and rose pinks; its towering plateaus and deep canyons were marvelous to behold and barely seemed real to me.
#16: Running the Whetstone Mile after moving to CB, fall of 2020
Logan told me about the “Whetstone Mile”, an unofficially official out and back along the ridge of one of CB’s prominent mountains. I wasn’t sure I was brave enough to abandon trail and climb to the summit, let alone run the mile long ridge—twice over—but I did, and it showed me I could belong here, in this town at 8,900ft, if I chose to stay.
#17: Working at a remote hut on Red Mountain Pass [only accessible on skis] my first winter in Colorado, 2020/21
Let me begin by saying, I didn’t know how to ski or how to bake bread at 11,600ft.
#18: Starting a company spring of 2021 while recovering from ACL surgery
I continued to not know how to ski (though my baking absolutely improved) until I tore my ACL. I was more afraid of being irrelevant in a ski town than I was of getting hurt, and rather than taking time to learn a new skill at my own pace, I pushed until I broke. It was one of the lowest lows of my sober life, but out of that dark place, She Treks was born—an accumulation of everything, every aspiration and dream, every hurt and heartbreak, every disappointment and small victory—I saved myself by taking yet another risk.
#19: Backpacking a modified version of the 4 pass loop, summer 2021
Why do things the easy way or the quick way, when you can add an extra ten miles and hike along valleys others seldom do?
#20: Backpacking from Crested Butte to Snowmass Village (the long way) summer of 2021 to fetch my truck from Aspen
Logan drove my truck to Aspen in order to bike home in a race through the mountains, the Grand Traverse. What an excellent opportunity for me to do a point to point! Truly, I can’t advocate enough for taking the long way—it’s arguably my life’s greatest work—you just get to see so much more.
#21: Backpacking in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains for the first time, fall of 2021
I wondered if I could guide trips for She Treks in the Sangres—I have every intention to do so someday—the terrain was rugged, the trails faint, the forests were wracked with beetle-kill, and yet, it was one of the most beautiful landscapes I’ve walked through.
#22: Thru-hiking the Arizona Trail SoBo, winter 2021
An 800 mile reward to myself for surviving ACL-rehab. I encountered very few people on this hike, and only one other thru-hiker walking southbound whom I camped with twice; my other 28 nights on trail I camped entirely alone. The AZT has opened my mind to the possibility that I may be able to hike further and faster than I previously thought, especially given the distances I traveled each day just 7 months after a major knee surgery.
#23: Backpacking in the West Elks late spring of 2022, exploring possible routes for guided trips that summer
I took the permits I was granted, not having hiked more than a day in the West Elk Wilderness, ever, and put my nose to the grindstone as soon as the snow receded from the highlands. I finally explored the trails I’d spent months staring at on a map and began advertising for my first season. I was terribly nervous, unsure if any of my routes would go. They went.
My first guided trip! Thank you Shannon, Brittany & Maura#24: Running the 4 pass loop summer of 2022
A 30 mile adventure which began with two, ended with just one. Annie twisted her ankle at mile 7 and I went on despite my conflicted feelings about doing so. Something in me just needed to keep going, and Annie was really kind about my choice. On the solo leg of this run, I re-learned that my mind has the potential to be my best ally or worst enemy, it’s up to me to choose, moment to moment.
#25: Climbing Guide’s Ridge, late summer 2022
Guide’s Ridge is a 4th and 5th class scramble to the peak of our town’s namesake. Logan had taken me earlier in the summer to show me the way. Despite my fear of heights, I still wanted to try to do it alone. I committed to each moment I spent on that godforsaken jumble of rock shards until I reached the summit, and then I cried.
I freakin' did it. #26: Backpacking to Deep Creek Lake in the West Elks, late summer of 2022, a trip that did not go to plan
I began with a plan and when that plan deteriorated, I hiked instead to a remote lake I’d never seen before. I was supposed to walk from point A to point B, but I was so tired I ultimately ended up back at point A. I could’ve been angry with myself for failing to complete the mission, but I wasn’t, all I wanted was a nap and a hug. In all my time spent exploring, I’ve backtracked more times than I can count, such is life.
#27: Spending a night at Soap Creek Campground fall of 2022, in order to explore new routes for the next guiding season
A special place I never would have found, had I not looked at a map and decided to go somewhere I’d never gone before.
#28: Exploring Arches and Canyonlands National Parks over a long weekend, fall of 2022
I ran down into a canyon that kind of scared me, I slept in my truck under a blanket of unfathomable stars, I acquired a pair of mice in my camper platform and released them at a carwash in Montrose (with much apologizing to both the mice and car wash employees)—this is the stuff adventures are made of.
On my way down the Lanthrop Canyon Trail#29: A weekend camping trip to Valley View Hot Springs, spring 2023
Sometimes a girl just needs to sleep in her truck and soak, whether or not anyone else gets it or wants to tag along. “You do you,” as they say.
A view of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains on the drive to Valley View#30: Building a deeper relationship with myself (a daily practice)
There are no words to describe the absolute dread I feel when I am preparing to be truly alone. It would be dishonest to say it has been easy all the time to go anyways, to go even when no one else wants to, to go when I am not sure, to go anywhere at all, alone. Because I am left by myself with this person I still do not fully know or understand.
It is like sitting in a waiting room with an intimidating acquaintance, no magazines, books, or distractions—do I speak or will she? What would we even talk about? Will she think I am weird? What if neither of us has anything to say? And sometimes there really is nothing to be said and silence prevails. This is what it is like to go even when you have no one to go with but yourself.
And you know what?
I am glad I went.
